I'm a Mess

And here's why:

1. I am sick AGAIN.  Very sick.  What. The. Hell.  My immune system is such a hooker.  I take four months off and suddenly it's incapable of fending off ten year old germs.  So rude.  I'm also very confused, because I have been religiously eating seven two gummy vitamins a day, and since I started this little habit four weeks ago, I've been sick TWICE.  Hmmmmm..... I really think vitamins are all a bunch of hype.  But obviously I'm going to keep eating them because let's be real, they're basically gummi bears.  ANYWAY, I'm leaving school right at five, going to the store, buying Thera-flu nighttime, and going to bed at 6 pm.  Which is the advice my secret fave Sydnie whispered in my ear on her way out the door today.  "I suggest Theraflu for you.  And softer tissues because your nose is so red."  I love her.   

2. I bought these bracelets as a Christmas present for a friend, and then they came and I liked them so much I put them on and haven't taken them off.   They were also only ten dollars.  Check this store out, it's my new secret find for accessories.

#whatagrinch

3. Today I was doing reading tests in another room, and another teacher was was watching the class.  I came back to find broken crayons ALL OVER THE FLOOR.  After some "safe-space-truth-talks" I came to find out that pretty much the entire class was breaking crayons and chucking them at people's heads.  Oh you know, just for fun.  After a looongggg discussion about why we should stop acting like punks (those exact words were not used), and wasting money and school supplies, we decided to "cleanse" and start fresh with some yoga.  Wherein which I promptly put them in corpse position for about three minutes.  And it was such a calm, and lovely three minutes.

#teacheroftheyear. Totally.

Haha. This picture.  I can't even... I mean, just please.

  Also, last night I dreamed that I was BFF with Princess Kate and I was her favorite. (Sorry Pippa.)  We shopped for her baby, and joked about our husbands (oh that Wills) and it was pretty much the best dream ever. When I woke up I was so sad and depressed that it wasn't real.  And still kind of am.

I'm Alive!

Wow.  Let’s talk about what doesn’t go well together- TEACHING AND BLOGGING.  But you know what does go just swimmingly together?  Teaching and drinking.  The fourth grade team (who I’m obsessed with by the way, and do NOT want to leave) has been hitting the bottle lately.  Just kidding.  But not really.

Seriously though.  How do teachers find time to blog?  All those cutesy teacher blogs out there?  When do they do it?  I can’t even get it together and enter grades on time.  Maybe they blog while they teach.  Which (if you must know) I came dangerously close to doing on Friday.  But I showed some self-control professionalism.  I considered writing a teaching blog and sharing some of the activities we’ve been doing… but I then decided I needed to stay true to this blog’s roots.  And this blog is about narcissism.  And not working.  And making fun of my husband.  Don’t get me wrong, these children have been giving me LOTS of material for the latter, but I just don’t feel right selling out ten-year-olds for the sake of humor.  I’d much rather sell out my husband and make fun of the dumb-ass things he does.  So until I get back to having no job, and being around RJ, this blog is on a bit of a hiatus.

As much as I miss blogging, I really love teaching.  I need to go back to the classroom full time.  I feel so fortunate to have found a job that I truly love, and am passionate about.  

Project time!  How cute are they?  

One of my very favorites.  This girl has me wrapped around her finger, which is a problem when she is naughty.  Which is often.

We love The Watsons go to Birmingham!

Another heart stealer.  When she met RJ, she went up to him said, "Pleased to meet your acquaintance," and then she curtsied!  Haha.

This story cracked me up.  Kids are so funny

I am also so lucky to have the world’s greatest best friend who took in my homeless self, and puts up with me and my mess.  You should all go get yourselves a Sally Winchester.  She’s the best. 

Thanksgiving party

Favorite!

Also, RJ came and visited the kids on Friday, and they were all so cute together.  Of course, Friday afternoons = insanity, therefore I didn't take any pictures, so you'll just have to take my word for it.  Some of my favorite comments were, "Wow.  You're short.  I thought Ms. Lund liked tall guys,"  "How old are you?  29?  You look like a teenager!" "Do you work, or does Ms. Lund have to bring home all the money?"  That last one was my personal fave.  Heehee.  Oh, and I did change my name, but since I taught these kids last year, only about ten of them actually remember to call me Mrs. Alexander.  Anyway, RJ is such a saint because he spent three hours in the classroom helping me and hanging out with the kids, and then went to dinner with some of the fourth grade team, where teacher talk dominated the conversation pretty much the entire time.  Then we went to the ARISE Christmas party, where more teacher talk ensued.  He also sat through reflection (detention), and witnessed multiple children have epic meltdowns, and me yell.  Then he waited for me to have two parent conferences.  What a keeper.  I am obsessed with him.  

 I am also obsessed with gingerbread contests that end with your house looking like this:

We are so talented.

JUST KIDDING.

Would you like to see what our house making process really looked like?

We should have taken it as a sign, when we broke multiple pieces within the first five minutes.

Since carving the gingerbread wasn't working, we decided to use negative space.  With a random metal object we found in Amy's car.

We were trying to make St. Louis Cathedral, which in retrospect, may have been a tad ambitious.

At least there was free alcohol!

RJ said it looked like a refugee camp in Afghanistan.  RUDE.

And... THE END.  Sigh.  Maybe next year will go better.

Clearly, I'm obsessed with a lot of things in this blog, but most of all I am obsessed with you!  Thanks for still reading, even though I've been MIA for a million years.  Have a great Sunday!

Random Thoughts

So happy to be back with him, I don't even mind the Sounders brainwashing.

In case you were wondering, yes, I am back home on the couch (where I truly belong), blogging in my pajamas at ten am.  And here is a riveting list of things I woke up thinking about: 

1. My devil cold has now morphed into a disgusting cough and last night I could not stop coughing.  RJ passive aggressively sighed me out of bed, so I found myself on the couch watching the Food Network at 11pm.  I suddenly became starving and made a huge plate of nachos.  And ate two packs of fruit snacks.  No more late night Food Network is the moral of this story.  Oh and this morning I got a text from RJ that said, "I love you, I'm sorry I sighed you out of bed last night.  If it makes you feel better I had a really bad dream after you left."  It does make me feel better. 

2. I really want a gold, pharmacy floor lamp for our family room, but they are all so expensive.  Why can't I find one that looks like this for about 300 dollars less than that?

3. The other night RJ popped his head out of his office and goes, "I know you're going to hate me, but is your birthday the 14th or the 16th of April?" Um, seriously??  "Neither, you jerk," I replied.  For the record- and someone please tell my husband this by the way- it's the 10th.  You know, if we had to pass one of those "how well do you know your mate" tests to get a green card, we would totally fail, ALL THANKS TO HIM.  And then one of us would get deported, and our love would be torn apart, all because he can't even remember my birthday.  Good thing we're both citizens, and this scenario is not real.

4. One of my least favorite things in the WORLD is when RJ makes me watch the instant replay on his football video games.  Just please.  I mean, I already support the addiction WAY too much as it is, I have to draw the line with FAKE PEOPLE AND NON-EXISTENT GAMES.  The worst is when he plays NCAA 13, and puts it on "coaching mode".  I really do believe that he thinks he's the coach of a real team, and actual humans are depending on him or something.  He talks to the players, screams at the TV...  The line between reality and video games is becoming very blurry in this house, I tell you what.  One day I will tape him talking to the TV, so you can truly understand.

5. I am in love with John Stewart.  My love grows every day, and I think RJ is getting for real jealous, because he tried to revoke my laminated list privileges when I remarked that I didn't even need five celebrities, I just wanted John Stewart's name on the list five times.   He said laminated lists were ridiculous, and he doesn't support me having one.  I mean, what is that?  I replied by saying, "Um, excuse me husband, you don't own me.  Don't tell me I can't have hypothetical cheating scenarios with a non-existent list.  Gosh."  The nerve of some spouses.

6. Taylor's album makes me wish I was going through a break-up so I could just be a dark and tortured soul as I listen to her music.  When you are happily married it can be hard to relate, you know what I mean?  Don't worry, I don't expect you to understand.  No one else has seemed to when I've made this remark, least of all RJ.  Can you believe that?  I mean, I support his football habits.  Sort of.

7. ButterNUT squash, and butterCUP squash are not the same thing, and don't let the stupid people on "cook's thesaurus" tell you that they are.  The LATTER happens to be a little bastard vegetable, that has more seeds, and shell than actual vegetable.  It will also take you 17 hours to peel and de-seed it, and when all is said and done you will have about two edible bites, and probably only nine fingers.  Let me save you some time- if they are out of butterNUT squash at the store, just change your menu plan.  Oh, and I highly recommend buying the prepared and packaged butternut squash.  Anyone who tells you that it's not worth the extra two bucks is a damn crazy person.

8. Whenever I ask RJ what he thinks about this frame, or that lamp, he gets a distressed look on his face and says, "Dear.  Can we please talk about this later?"  Which really means, "Just buy it, I don't care."  WIN WIN WIN, as Michael Scott would say.

Have a lovely day!

Thoughts from this week

Why am I STILL sick?  Kids are so germy.

I really need to get a real job.  Despite feeling exhausted (and sick), I had such a great week.  It's so nice to have a purpose to get out of bed.  And teaching is just so darn rewarding.

Getting a sip of water seems to magically fix every head, stomach, and toothache for ten year olds.  I wish it fixed my disgusting, lingering cold.

Kids are so rude brutally honest:

"Your voice is so scratchy, it's hurting my ears."
"Why is your nose so red and chapped?"
"Last week you looked beautiful, but this week you look tired."
"Are you sure you want to eat that?  I thought you were trying not to get fat."
"Why did you leave your husband?!  Are you getting divorced ALREADY?!"

Introducing treasure chests have seems to have fixed all the foolishness that was happening in the classroom last week.  We had a great five days!  But apparently I can't teach half of these kids without extrinsic rewards.  Awesome.
 
Southern Living has amazing Thanksgiving sides, but they are SO unhealthy.  I made this for a party last Saturday, and never realized vegetables could be so bad for you.

I don't know why people pay to get ombre hair.  My hair does it for free every three months when I am too lazy and cheap to get it colored again.

I miss my RJ-Bear so much, and CAN'T WAIT to see him in one hour!  Remind me never to leave him again.

Happy Friday everyone!

This is how I am feeling at the moment!  Hope you are as well :)

Blog hold up

Hello old friends!

Please excuse my sporadic blogging this past week, I've been in New Orleans subbing at ARISE!  One of the fourth grade teachers is taking her maternity leave, so I am helping out this week, and the next as well.  When they first asked if I would be interested in coming back, I was pretty much like "thanks, but no".  I've gotten very used to my standard of living, which just so happens to NOT involve 12 hour workdays.  Actually, it doesn't really involve working of any kind, but that is neither here nor there.

But when I realized it would be my kids from last year, and just a few weeks, I couldn't turn it down.  I will also be able to see RJ on the weekends, so that helps.  Keep that in mind before you get all rude like my family and comment that I always seem to be leaving my husband.  I prefer to think of us as being like Giuliana and Bill- (Rancic?  You don't watch their show on the STYLE Network?  You should, they're hilarious!) we're jet-setters.  My career involves a lot of travel, what can I say?

Anyway, this week knocked me flat, and kicked my butt, let me tell you.  I made it three days before promptly coming down with a bad cold, and a terrible sore throat.  Clearly I've lost all my teacher street cred in terms of an immune system.  I also apparently experienced some post-traumatic stress amnesia forgot how challenging some of these kids could be.  On my second day there was a fight in line, and four kids who refused to enter the classroom, all before 7:30 am.  Welcome. Back.  On Wednesday evening I called RJ and asked him why the hell he let me do this.

BUT- all complaining aside, I've honestly enjoyed the week.  It is so wonderful to be back with my loves, and I forgot how rewarding teaching is!  The day FLIES by, (the same can NOT be said when your only job is decorating your house and making dinner) and it is amazing how fulfilled I feel at the end of it.  Oh, and exhausted.  But the kids are so cute, and their spirit and enthusiasm makes it all worth it.  We have had lots of fun reuniting!  :)  It took us a couple days to get in a rhythm, but after implementing a few systems, we all got our acts together (myself included), and the last two days went just swimmingly.

Hopefully we can pick up where we left off on Monday, and also hopefully I don't die. 

Here are a few pictures from the week!

One of my very faves!

Writing time

"Dyno-mite" cheer

Recess fun

I took one of my specials out to dinner at Applebees.

Such manners!  She ordered chicken and steak, and I ordered chicken fingers and fries.  What the hell is wrong with me?

HAM!

This is a video of the kids dancing along to "You Can Vote However You Like" (you know, one of those videos made by kids at school that are all over YouTube?) on election day.  It's really cute!

Also, I was totally planning to do an election post, but instead I got my butt kicked by some ten year olds and went to bed early.  But I found this e-card and thought it was hilarious, and too good not to share.

I'm sorry to the Romney lovers who read this blog.  Can we still be friends?

Honeymoon!! Part II

Here are the rest of our Honeymoon pics!  I recommend looking at them while devouring leftover Halloween candy, like I did.  The combination is irresistible!

The pictures from the beginning of the trip are here, if you didn't see them earlier. 

Afternoon delight

Fellow honeymoon friend!  Hi L! 

Plotting  the ways to get in the photo shoot that was occurring just to the left of us...

Obviously we're hilarious.  Our husbands are so lucky.

Another perfect evening, with another perfect sunset.

Honeymoon friends!  Miss you guys!

Looking rather red at dinner.  Also, I look evil.  And creepy.

Our favorite waiter, Mario.  Hi Mario, we miss you!

We finally stopped being lazy and dragged our butts off the pool chair and into town.

The beginning of the boardwalk

Do you see that look?  It's the result of our one honeymoon disagreement.  I wanted to buy hot sauce and tequila as gifts for people, and just check our bag on the way back.  RJ did not want to do this.  Oh, and then he had to pay 5 dollars for me to use the restroom because he didn't have any smaller bills, and it was an emergency.  So he was a tad miffed, so naturally I made him pose for pictures.  :)  And for the record I let him win that one.  That's why none of you got tequila.

This was after we decided to forget the tequila, and selfishly bought artwork for ourselves instead.  You're welcome.

Another afternoon drinking by the pool?  Shocking.

Clearly RJ failed with the sunscreen application.  Don't you fret though, I was an excellent over-bearing wife, and after that first day, I just applied it for him.  He lost privileges. 

AHHH.  I want to go back.

Now.

Pool snack bar, meal # 12 of the day

The pool was necessary, it was hot!

Isn't RJ so cute?  A little squinty though.  And why is that?  He went the entire trip without sunglasses. I kid you not.  I don't know how he did it.  I tried to buy him some from the venders on the beach, but he wouldn't let me.  I finally bought him a pair when we went into town, but by then the damage was probably done.  (And then he didn't even wear them.  As you can see.)  He may go blind. I'll let you know.

Special ceremony, and champagne toast for being their first guests.  SO THOUGHTFUL.  And sweet.

Our last night...

Relaxing before dinner

Pirate ship!  ARRGGH.

Sunset on the beach

He took a series of 5 "selfies" each one better than the next, but I decided to spare you.

It doesn't get much better than that.

<3

Love him

Going, going, gone.

Morning at the pool on our last day...

Fake smiles because we were NOT happy to be leaving...

So that was our trip.  Let's all go book a vacation for next year.  Who's with me?