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| I may develop a fear of flying soon, if I can't get it together |
Just kidding! I've had this trip planned since January. It's how RJ got me to agree to move to Mississippi- he promised lots of trips home. True story.
So I'm off to visit my favorites in Seattle, but first I have a couple pit-stops to make. This afternoon RJ and I are driving to New Orleans for his drill weekend. Karma is again on my side because it just so happens that my bestie (who abandoned me for Harvard) is in NOLA this weekend as well. We are going to cram in as much together-time as possible before I fly to Denver tomorrow to be with one of my very favorites and celebrate her birthday. From there I will go to Seattle to spend time with my family at Gonzaga's Fall Family Weekend. Whew. Then I will return home and and actually get to work instead of flitting all over the country.
As I was packing last night RJ was puttering over my shoulder bugging me. (It's how he shows love). He asked if I was going to be able to handle the airport this time without any major incidents. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "Erika, you can't step foot in an airport without doing or saying something stupid," he answered. "Are you bringing up the customs incident again?" I asked. When we were going through customs in Mexico, my bag was chosen as one of the random ones to be opened and searched. Thinking of the lingerie that I had thrown on top of all my clothes (come on, it was our HONEYMOON), and not wanting that to be the first thing to come spilling out of my overstuffed bag, I said "Uh-oh", apparently a little louder than the whisper it sounded like in my head. RJ glared at me, but it was too late. The security guy asked me if there was a problem with my bag, and I stuttered "No, no, just kidding". As if THAT made it better. Needless to say, I don't think it was a coincidence when he REMOVED EVERY ITEM IN MY SUITCASE as he checked. My stupid, stupid mouth. Ugh. "Right, like that's your only airport incident," RJ said. Then he proceded to remind me of all the other stupid things I've done when flight is involved. And I realized something. He is right. I am cursed when it comes to airports and flying.
Case in point:
1. One time I accidentally dumped half my glass of diet coke onto a mom and the 12 month old baby on her lap. I think I have shaky-hand syndrome or something. To be honest I don't know how I did it, but as I reached across to grab the cup, most of it's contents splashed down onto the baby's head and the mom's lap. To make matters worse, the kid was sleeping and immediately woke up and started screaming. Then, because God was clearly mad at me that day, the child loudly cried for the next 15 minutes. The mom was nice about it but CLEARLY annoyed, and rightly so. So I proceeded to make matters worse by apologizing about 50 times, and asking what I could do to help. Nothing was the answer to that question. Unless changing seats was an option. The baby finally stopped wailing, but his hair definitely dried with some crunch to it. This incident was actually pretty scarring, so now I book aisle seats.
2. Just as embarrassing, if not more- one time I unknowingly DJ'd the entire plane to Taylor Swift. Two whole songs to be exact. The stars must have perfectly aligned for this one to happen because somehow I was in a row by myself (which never happens these days), and I decided to listen to music on my laptop instead of my iPOD, which I also never do. I plugged my headphones into my computer and was jamming out to a little "Love Story", and "Better than Revenge". "Enchanted" was just starting up when the guy from the row in front of me stood up, turned around and said, "Do you have headphones you can use for that?" Assuming that my headphones were actually plugged in and working, my mind tricked me into thinking that I couldn't hear him. I took the headphones out of my ears and said "What? You want to borrow my headphones?" I don't know why I always have to make things worse with my awkwardness. In addition to shaky-hand syndrome, I also have foot-in-mouth syndrome. "No." The guy repeated. "Can you please plug your headphones into your computer to listen to your music?" That was when I realized that my headphones, while in my ears, were not fully plugged into the laptop. Thus, I was blasting Tay to the entire plane. I don't feel THAT bad about this though, because as her number 1 fan, I feel that things like this are my duty. I also think it speaks very highly to her music that it took two whole songs before anyone said something to me.
3. One time when going through security the guy asked me to remove my sweatshirt. I did so, forgetting that I had no bra on underneath my flimsy WHITE tank top. (Who likes bras?) To my defense it was a really early flight. Of course I made things waaay more awkward by immediately crossing my arms, and then putting my sweatshirt BACK on and saying, "Sorry, I'll just take the pat-down."
4. Another time when going through security I took off my shoes and RJ immediately yelled (it might not have been yelling, but may as well been with how loud he was) "What is that smell?" Then when he realized it was my shoes he loudly proclaimed, "Oh my God, you are clearing out this line with your shoes, you need to throw those away!" Is your significant other as rude as mine?
***RJ actually did throw those shoes away when we got home, and I, out of principle and pride, retrieved them from the garbage. Don't worry though, I got some odor eaters. And I still have them today! I'm not embarrassed by this either, I'm a teacher, our flats get gross. Although, heads up: shoes from the LOFT are REALLY bad- they don't breathe at all. Purchase at your own risk. Or with some odor eaters for sure.
5. One time I woke up to my head being shrugged off the shoulder of the 50 year old guy I was sitting next to. Apparently I was trying to snuggle with him in my sleep.
RJ is reading this post over my shoulder and saying, "Don't forget about the time you held up security because you had a butter knife in your purse! Or what about the time you were complaining about your hideously ugly suitcase and how much you hated it as it was coming towards you. And as you reached to grab it you realized that it wasn't YOUR hideously ugly suitcase, but in fact belonged to the guy who was standing right next to you, and heard everything you just said."
See what I mean? Are these normal things, or do I have issues?
Please, share some embarrassing airport stories so I don't feel alone.
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