Breaking the blogging rules

Research shows that the most successful bloggers have/do the following: 

A) A central "theme" or "niche" for their blog.
B) Post frequently.

I guess that officially makes me the worst blogger ever because I have/do neither of those things.  I really like blogging, but I don't want it to become something that I add to my to-do list, just to ensure that "the blogging rules" are followed.  Because then it stops being a fun hobby, and starts feeling like a job.  I would rather just blog for fun whenever I feel like it, and only have three readers.  So this blog shall remain an inconsistent, sporadic posting of random crap in my brain that no one except probably my mom really cares about.

Case in point-

1-  Tomorrow I am going on a field trip to the Vicksburg Battlefield with the fourth grade.  And they are reenacting scenes from the Civil War.  Can we please just take a moment to think about how cool this is/how funny this will be?  I, for one, am quite excited.  Totally Sweet Home Alabama, am I right?  Oh, the South... I can't wait to tell my kids about my glory days of reenacting Civil War battles.  I know you are probably really jealous right now.  Side note- I spent four hours today making the "Battle T-shirts" for each of the companies and now I have permanent hand cramp.  But they look bomb.  Oh, and none of the kids want to be on the Union side.  Go figure.  After the fourth kid whined to me about wanting to be a Confederate, I replied- "Why wouldn't you want to be on the Union side?  They were the winners."  And that WAS me holding my tongue, thank you very much.  I almost told them all the reasons they really shouldn't want to be a Confederate.  But still, I may need to do a better job of keeping my mouth shut.  Just in case I decide to work at this school full time, and my phone number becomes accessible to parents.

2-  RJ left on Sunday for a business trip to Rhode Island.  He will be gone for two weeks.  BOOOO.  I'm so used to being the "leaver" I didn't realize how lonely this house is without him.  Here are some things I have discovered since his departure:

• If I didn't have a husband I would only eat quesadillas, bag salad, and hot dogs.  Making dinner for one is just depressing.  Good thing I have such a healthy diet to get me through. 

• If I didn't have a husband I would watch 126534634 hours of crime dramas a week.

• If I didn't have a husband I would get a better night's sleep.  My body just needs more space in the bed than his big old self allows.  My natural sleeping position is starfish.

• If I didn't have a husband I would just walk up the dreaded hills (that are inescapable in this town) while on a run.  Oh, and I would stop running after two miles.  Because that's when my body feels done.  When I try to walk while on a run with RJ, he puts his hand on my back and REFUSES to let me slow down.  It's so annoying, and I hate being touched while running, so I speed up just to get away from him.  Which was his stupid plan all along.  Rude.

Sooooo.. to sum up:  If I didn't have a husband I would basically be a fat cat-lady who would probably go blind from watching too much tv.  Guess it's a good thing I locked down him down when I did.

3-  Speaking of RJ.  He called me last night and as we were catching up on our days, this was the order of his questions:  "Did you have school today?  No?  Oh, well how's NEATO doing?"  Um, seriously?  Our robot vacuum is second on your list of concerns?  


4-  Oh, I also found a new way to bug him- text messages only in emoji.  AKA, secret codes he must decipher.  Thus far he has refused to respond, other than the first time in which he replied "WTF?" Followed by, "Is this using data?"  Now he just ignores me, but it's worth it.

5-  I hit a new low yesterday when I found myself lying to the guy at the liquor store, in an attempt to cover my lameness.  You see, school was out for President's Day, so I didn't have much to do.  I watched another 54634 hours of the Closer, and then dragged myself off the couch to buy a few essentials.  And by essentials I mean toilet paper and wine.  Buying just toilet paper at the grocery store is never my first choice, but this website has informed me that 68% of our spending goes to food (the grocery store and eating out.)  That is just disgusting.  We are such pigs.  So we I am officially on a grocery store budget, and am determined to stay strong.  So I marched out of there with only toilet paper in hand, and headed across the street to the liquor store.  Oh yes, just in case you forgot, let me remind you- YOU CAN'T BUY WINE AT THE GROCERY STORE HERE.  I grabbed my bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio, (the best, don't you agree?) and headed to the counter.  Of course, the checker guy was super friendly and conversational, because everyone in this town is super friendly and conversational.  And while normally I really like that, today I just wanted to get my wine and GTFO.  But of course he asked me how my day was going, and when the obligatory "good, how is yours?"  didn't satisfy him, he asked what I was up to today.  What was I supposed to say?  "Um, I got up at nine, watched three hours of the Closer, and then left the house only because I needed toilet paper and wine.  And now I am going to go home, and in exactly five hours I will open this bottle of wine and drink it by myself." ???  No.  That's just depressing.  Even for a liquor store tale.  So before I knew it, I found myself telling him about the dinner I was going to go home and prepare for the friends that were coming over that night.  Sad.  JUST SAD, is what that story is.  This blog should really be called "How far can she fall?"  I should have told him about my new hobby.      

6- Which brings me to... my new hobby.  Card making!  It's really fun, but my cards are too ugly right now to blog about.  But I'm going to get better, so stay tuned.  And if you are a nice reader, maybe I will even send you a homemade card!

7- Besides card making, here are a couple other obsessions of mine for the week:

-The humor section on Pinterest.  It just speaks to me.  If I could get paid to write e-cards for a living, I would officially be the happiest person EVER.  Here are a few of my favorites from this week:

YES.

@SallyWinchester

I KNOW she is speaking to me here.  In that disapproving/regal tone of hers.  Dowager Countess, I hear you!  I'm trying.  Really.

Haha

Please tell me this isn't just my husband and me?  Anyone?

:)

I am also obsessed with THIS under-eye concealer.  Other than foundation, andsometimesbronzer, I am a drugstore makeup kind of gal.  RJ's not made of money after all.  :)  But thanks to some lovely genetics, notnaminganynamesMOM, I have an under-eye situation that isn't pretty.  The puffiness... the darkness...

The Laura Mercier concealer was highly recommended for people with troublesome under-eyes, and it definitely lives up to its reputation.  I love it!  And more importantly- it works miracles.  Really.  So if you have unfortunate under-eyes like myself, just suck it up, spend the twenty dollars, and go buy yourself some fancy French concealer.  You won't be sorry.

Lastly... I am obsessed with THE ZAGS BEING #3!!! 

Now watch this hilarious version of the Harlem Shake, and have a lovely week my loves!  See you in two weeks.