Confessions of a Closeted Mississippi Girl: So there's that...

I got a bee in my bonnet (as the Rickster Lund would say), and decided to make a menu plan for the next two weeks of dinner. I perused Pinterest (such hard work), and planned delicious meals for each night. Then I meticulously wrote all the ingredients I would need and set out to the store. What an over-achieving little housewife I am! I was so excited for the gourmet amazingness that was about to go down, and could already hear the words of praise RJ was going to reign upon me. Well- you know what they say about high-expectations being the kiss of death. Ok, ok, I don't think they actually say that, and as a teacher I really should never believe that, but in THIS case it was true. I ended up completely ruining two of the four dinners I made. After the second ruined dinner, I said "screw it" and we have eaten pizza or takeout for the last three nights. So there's that...

I had a series of unfortunate events that happened last night at the grocery store and it left me feeling like quite the idiot. I blogged about it, but then I decided people were probably tired of reading about what an embarrassing loser I am. So I didn't post it, but here's the reader's digest version: in the span of thirty minutes I managed to get reprimanded by the Produce Nazi, ram my cart head on into a display of granola bars, causing over 30 boxes to tumble to the ground, and accidentally whack an old woman in the checkout lane with the grocery divider. That last one makes me cringe a little bit. Oh, and I was so rattled after I accidentally assaulted a seventy year old, that I couldn't find my car in the parking lot. By the third row of searching I had broken out in the nervous sweats because I was SURE my car was stolen. But then I found it. When I told RJ about the series of unfortunate events later that night, he decided to get all high and mighty and tell me that I am the clumsiest person he knows, and that I just need to start being more careful. As I was grumbling how rude and untrue that was I broke a plate in the sink. So there's that...

I've been working for the past two weeks at the loveliest elementary school. Seriously, I've never met a group of such genuinely nice and kind people. Everyone introduces themselves right away, and says the sweetest things. And the kids- well, let's just say I'm obsessed. They are just SO. WELL. BEHAVED. The other day I said "pencils down please," and 22 pencils dropped right away. It was so beautiful I almost cried. Everything is "yes, ma'am" and when you say "stop talking please," they just DO. My NOLA babies will always be number one in my heart of course, and they have so many amazing attributes. But, it's undeniable that this is a bit of a different culture. Don't worry though, it's not ALL roses. On Friday Miss Kathi called me in to sign my time sheet for the month. For two weeks of work, my total paycheck BEFORE TAXES was a whopping 450 dollars. So there's that...

However, I did forget to mention one amazing advantage of being a substitute. No planning or grading to take home, therefore my nighttime TV commitments have been undisturbed. When RJ is playing his video games I watch my favorites of course. I have also been revisiting an old college friend, Law and Order SVU. Such a disturbed but delightful show. Speaking of disturbed shows, RJ and I started watching Breaking Bad this weekend andwearealreadyalmostonseason3. Holy mother, that show is creepy... but good. However between Breaking Bad, Scandal, and SVU, I really feel like I could now murder someone in a way that would leave no trace of the body. So there's that...

Um, probably shouldn't end this post on that note, sooooo.... let's chat real quick about a show that does not involve killing people. Portlandia. At first I was like, "Noooooo I'm not in the mood for satiric comedy, can we please just put on another Law and Order. Gosh." But the show sucked me in. Tonight we were laughing so hard we were crying. Some of the skits are weird but the ones that are funny make you pee your pants. See for yourself:

"What is she, nine?" Um- I'm 99% sure RJ has uttered those exact words in this situation.
"I'm just going to get antibiotics after the next episode."
"It's like, people don't respect our space."
"NEXT ONE! NEXT ONE!"

Shut up, do NOT tell me this isn't hilarious. Even if ~~this isn't basically your life like it may be ours~~ you aren't TV addicts like we may be, it's still funny.